Part Deux: Online Dating

My fitbit finally came and it.is.AWESOME!  My favorite part is the sleep monitor; it tells you how many times you wake up during the night and how many hours you actually sleep.  I don't know how it does it, but it does.  I actually thought I was walking a lot more during my internship at the hospital but its not as impressive as I thought it would be.  Gotta work on getting more steps in!

I've been waking up at 5 every morning for the past week and a half to get my workout in.  This needs to be a new habit.  Because I've been a big huge list whore as of late, here are some reasons why this needs to continue:

- I get something accomplished at the start of the day, and that feels awesome

- I have more energy during the day, which means I'm more effective when treating my patients 

- I can relax when I get home

Yup, that's all I got....

I gave in and joined a stupid online dating site...AGAIN.  I don't know whether it was out of boredom, loneliness, or sheer desperation...or a combo of all...but it's done.  There are some creeps out there let me tell you.  My personal favorites are the dudes who email at least 2x a day and despite my not answering them, they continue to send me stupid messages.  "Just give me your number, I really want to get to know you better."  Seriously dude?!  We've never spoken, what makes you think I'm forking that over?!  Oh wait no, the other favorite are the guys who not only send stalker messages but you can see they've stalked your profile multiple times a day for days at a time.  Get.a.JOB!!!!!  Or if you have one, be better at it!!  

Here's another list: this one comprises all the things that will ensure I don't message you back...

-you write in your profile that you like all kinds of music.  If you say this but name specific bands, ill let it slide.  But this generic blanket statement is bo-RING!!  

-your personal message to me only says "hi" or "you're hot" or "hey what's up?"  Again, boring.  Come up with something witty, please.

-your pics include you with your shirt off, you flexing, you in a mirror...you get the point

-you continuously state how nice of a guy you are in your profile.  This means you're probably a mega douche.

So needless to say online dating hasn't been very productive for me thus far, but I'm cheap and refuse to pay for a site until I have a full time job so this crap will have to do for now.  Hopefully I won't need to pay for one and will NOT be single in 2 years but I'm not so sure about that.

Wtf Happened?

I don't even know why I bother blogging, because I never keep up with it.  Then I watch an episode of Sex and the City, get all kinds of inspired by Carrie's quips and musings, and that (temporarily) motivates me to get back on here and write.  Damn I love that show.

I ordered a fitbit today.  My cousin actually enabled me in doing so.  It's a cool new toy that will hopefully keep me motivated to get and stay in gear.  I've actually been doing pretty well on the fitness/wellness front: just moved into a beach house, away from all the drama of the old shit hole we lived in.  My roommate actually made a comment the other night , saying how I seem a lot more relaxed in the new place and less moody.  I'd have to concur.  I also started my internship at a hospital so I'm on my feet most of the day which is great.  OH!!  I forgot to mention one of the added perks of the beach house (besides being on the FREAKIN' BEACH!) is that we have an extra room that I was able to transform into a workout room.  I love that I can keep my fitness equipment all over the place and not have to worry about tripping over it.  It makes things so much easier!  I'm trying to get our landlord to rip up the carpeting though because the people who lived there before us didnt give a crap and smoked in there; not to mention they also had a dog (violation of the lease) so it smells like a wet dog walked into a pool hall.  Not ideal but I'm hoping this dude will fix it up.  It works for now.

Ugh now for the nonexistent love front.  Bill turned out to be a huge douche.  I don't even get what happened because he made a complete 180.  Even my friends were shocked so for once it wasnt just me being naive.  A couple of weeks after I wrote my last entry, he texted me on a Sunday asking if I wanted to go out to dinner that Friday.  He said he wanted to surprise me so I was REALLY excited.  Well, let me tell you the date was a fucking disaster from the minute he showed up.  Here it is in most of its glory, bulletpointed for your reading pleasure:

~He showed up late.  I was in the middle of finishing an Internet post for a school assignment and he got pissy when I wanted to complete ONE sentence before we left because he was hungry.  Awww poor baby I didn't realize you hadn't eaten since 1994.  My bad.

~He told me how my roommate John made numerous comments on how "amazing" my breasts are and to make sure he grabbed them.  Uh guess what you're NOT doing tonight, buddy.  Not to mention, how the eff would John know what they are like because I wasnt going near that with a 10 foot pole...no pun intended.

~He told me how he stalked his ex.  Multiple times.  Oh and how he's socially awk (no shit).

~He asked me what the names of all my exes are.  I go "that's not important" and he says "yes it is."  I'm like "why so you can facebook stalk them??" And he goes "maybe."  Um BYEEEE!!

~He took my effing leftovers home.  Oh but wait...he made sure to text me the next day to tell me how delicious they were.

~He asked me if I was on birth control.  First off, let me clear this up: we did not have sex.  We were not going to have sex.  I wanted him back on the expressway, going the opposite way of any place I might be.  Anyway, I told him I'm not on BC and he was like "well why not?!" And I'm like "um because I'm not having sex and I'm not gonna put myself on hormones when I'm not exclusively dating anyone since I won't be sleeping with them" and he goes "well maybe you should change that."  Well maybe you should blow me and GTFO.  

The next day he texted me all day.  I couldn't take it.  Just seeing his name made my blood boil and I think I felt a little bit of vomit creep up my throat.  I told my roommate about it so with the next text, he goes "gimme your phone."  So I did.  And he writes back "look, you're just not mature enough to date me.  Last night was awkward and I don't want to see you again." And that was that.  Cowardly of me, yes, but I never said I wasn't.

Then I met this guy when Amy and I went out one night.  We had met a few months ago and I guess he texted me and I never responded, so he thought I wasn't interested.  But I actually was.  The night we met up again, we hung out til 7am talking and I had a great time with this guy.  He said he wanted to hang out again and take me out to dinner.  We talked all week.  THEN the fucking bomb drops and he tells me some chick he was seeing a few months ago finally decided to get serious and settle down and be exclusive.  He's like "I'm probably making a huge mistake but I have to take a chance because I really like her.  You probably hate my guts right now and I deserve it."  I didn't even answer, I just hung up and immediately deleted his number.  Again, real mature I know but I felt like an idiot.  And idiot who was strung along and led to believe stupid bullshit...again.

I get so frustrated because I really want to meet someone serious.  I'm tired of the while dating around crap.  I did a year of that, I'm done.  I'm old.  I want to meet someone sincere and fun and caring and yes, I'm a total girl and I wanna get married before I turn 100.  So that's that.

Oh No

The kinda-date went really well. Bill and I met up at a bar in the city, accompanied by all my PT friends. I was actually really impressed because he made an honest effort to talk to all of them and learn their names. Like, a serious effort. We all went to a karaoke bar in China Town and he sang, which impressed me because if it was me and a bunch of people I didn't know, I'd be too chicken shit to do it. He actually has a great voice. His friend came with him (I think he has a thing for Amy) and they said they would drive us home. On the walk to the car, my friend saw a huge picture in the Pandora store window of a skull charm bracelet and I almost had a heart attack. I LOVE skulls. I don't know what it is about them, but I think they are so freakin cool and I'm obsessed. Bill was like "what's with the skull fascination?" and I'm like "honestly, I don't know. I just love them." They drove us to Amy's parents' house and Bill kissed me goodnight, then texted me when he got home to say goodnight and that he had a really good time. Last night, he sent me a text all like "I have to show you something I know you'll love" and sent me a picture of a skull bowling ball he saw when he was out bowling with his friends. This is gonna sound SO lame, but my heart melted with that. I literally mentioned my skull obsession once for maybe a second and he remembered it. Also, the getting to know my friends thing was new to me; no guy I ever went out with ever did stuff like that.

Part of me is skeptical though. Honestly, after asshole, my guard is up big time and its gonna take an amazing guy with fucking endurance to break it down. Part of me is wondering what Bill's motive is: is he looking for ass, a "right now," or what? I also have to make sure to move this thing slowly, if it moves at all. I didn't think I would like this guy in "that way" but the more I talk to him, the more I do, and it's scaring the shit out of me.

I lost track

Not sure how many days are left in the countdown til summer. If I wasnt so lazy, I could go and look when the last post was...but that takes way too much work.



I'm down a total of 5 pounds, woohoo!!! Wound up getting workout ADD two weeks into the XTrain rotation: it was way too repetitive and didnt even incorporate all of the DVDs. Cathe posted her own Get Ready for Summer rotation last week so I decided to do that. It mixes XTrain with her older workouts, which is more my style (especially since every week is something different). I was two days into the schedule last week and then I got knocked on my ass by the worst cold EVER. I pride myself on the fact that I can (usually) easily ward off any sickness, but this was a beast. I never miss class and I missed two last week. I also woke up Friday with no voice and could barely speak for two days which was a nightmare for me. I think it's safe to say I'm pretty much back to normal now, so the rotation started yesterday. Yay!!



I kinda have a date Thursday with a boy. I say 'boy' loosely because he is younger than me (as if i didnt learn from MMA man boy?!). Ok, he's a lot younger than me. I'm not really sure if he knows exactly how old I am but he never asked so I never told. The funny thing is, I'm 8 years older than him, a FT student, and rent a shitty dump, meanwhile he has a real job and owns a house. Go figure. We met through my roommate John; one night he had a few people over and tis guy came early and wound up waiting around for 2 hrs for John to come home. We hit it off and I thought he was cute and fun to talk to. Then Amy heard the boy (we'll call him Bill) whisper something to John who then told him to "go for it." At the end of the night, Bill asked for my number and kissed me (which I totally wasnt expecting). We've been texting pretty much everyday since then. I felt bad cuz he asked me to hang out Friday but I sounded like a 50 yr old smoker; there was NO way in hell I was gonna go out! Then he said ok what about next fri and I'm going to my parents' house that weekend. I didn't want him to think I was blowing him off so I made a compromise and said since our class is in the city for a trip Thursday, why don't we meet up for drinks down there? He agreed so here we are. Now I dunno if I want a boyfriend or what; grad school is really demanding and not many guys can handle sharing their significant others with school. I know, it sounds fucking stupid but I've seen it with tons of people in my class and its a headache and just dumb. Not to mention I'm not ready for some dude to rip apart my self confidence and self worth the way asshole did to me. It's been over a year and I'm almost healed but I still am not 100%. Ugh. I guess we will see how it goes and take it step by step. I'm not gonna lie, I love the attention but at the same time I don't want to commit myself.

One More Tidbit

Everyone's heard the thing where baby carrots are just big carrots chopped up. That still didnt stop Ms. Lazy from buying the baby ones...until I found out how much cheaper the big carrots are!! I think I got a whole bag for $1.29; the babies I get are usually $2 and change. Yah so I had to prepare them myself, but it took all of 5 min to peel and chop for the week. Consider myself schooled!

87 Days to Go...

Welllll I suck. Big time. I royally messed up my diet last night with too many drinks, a big ass slice of pizza for dinner, and a late night food run at 3am. Actually, the pizza fell in plan because I was still under my calories and macros, and the drinks did too cuz I budgeted for them, but I didn't see the after-hours binge coming. I was STARVING and at 3am, I'm really not in the mood to grill chicken or eat beans and brown rice. But now I feel like a huge bloated failure. I tried a pair of khakis on that I'm gonna need for clinical and they are clinging on for dear life. They were tight before, but they are ridiculous now, to the point of cutting off circulation. I really want to get back on track but it is so unbelievably hard. I don't know how I got this far off the wagon, and it sucks. It makes me feel like a big fat loser. UGH.


I'm gonna try something new today; instead of flying on a whim with meals and snacks and stuff, I'm planning EVERYTHING and throwing it into the MFP tracker. This way, when I get hungry I don't have to think about what I'm gonna eat cuz I already know. This is gonna take some work and is a time commitment but it NEEDS to happen. I also went on Pinterest and pinned a bunch of recipes I can make this week when I get back to school with stuff I already have at home to break the monotony being that I've been eating the same effing meals for the past 2 months!! So there are 87 days left which is roughly 3 months; if I can drop a pound a week, that's 12 pounds by the deadline, which is where I was when I started P90X last year. Once I get back on my own and away from the temptations of being at my parents' house, it might be a little easier to stick to plan.


Speaking of going back, I really wish Amy had her clinical close to where we live now instead of going back to the city to do it. We want to move out SO badly, but she doesn't wanna pay for a month of rent when she doesn't need to, and I don't blame her. I chose to do my clinical near school because I figured I'm already paying June rent at our house so I might as well take advantage and stay there. Too bad the majority of our housemates suck. It's three girls and three guys; my douchebag landlady decided to squeeze two people into one room because she is a greedy fuck. That turned into a huge battle because it violated our lease that specified FIVE people max, so I called her out on it and got my rent reduced by a lot. Let me tell you, living with six people blows, especially when half of those people are dirty, lazy fucks. I don't get how these people function; one girl is a princess and God forbid you ask her to take out the garbage. She acts like you asked her to dispose of hazardous waste and forget it if she already took a shower cuz then taking out the garbage ain't happening. Her idea of cleaning the bathroom is running a we cloth on the counter. Oh and she hasn't washed her sheets since we moved in in JUNE. Gross. And this chick is in her late 20s so she is old enough to be past the college phase. Now we have the boys; they don't empty the dishwasher, they leave dirty dishes in the sink for weeks (no exaggeration), clog our toilets and don't bother to unclog them, don't take out the garbage so it overflows onto the floor, steal other people's food then deny it, leave caked on crud all over the stove and counters...do I need to go on?! Actually, one of the three guys is great because he actually cleans and goes out of his way to help us girls. We call him the dad of the house. Scary thing is he's the youngest but by far the most mature. He sent me a pic this morning that got my blood boiling: a wad of gum stuck to our coffee table because one of the roommates was too lazy to throw it out. Are you fucking kidding me?! Holy crap I'm dreading going back. I'm seriously contemplating living in my car for the next 3 months. At least I know I can't get sepsis there.

89 Days...

Yesterday was actually the first day in a really long time that I was able to stick to the plan: minimal sugar, less snacking, and stuck to my macros. Yay! I did Cardio Legs too, which is basically a leg workout on crack. It has short bursts of HIIT, interspersed with weighted leg exercises. My hamstrings are on fire today so I guess it's good that upper body is on tap. I think I'm doing bis and tris and then a quick overall upper body lifting routine for a total of 60 min of weights. I like upper body days. They make me feel strong!